They say the paradox of happiness is: the more you chase it, the more elusive it becomes. You’d think it’d be a cakewalk, but so many of us suffer from depression and dissatisfaction. If we just had a little more money, a slightly better job, or the right partner, that happiness would magically emerge, as if happiness were always just around the corner, eagerly awaiting us.
The point here is that we make the blunder that happiness depends on circumstances around us, rather than on the way we perceive those circumstances and respond to them. In other words, happiness or its opposite, misery, is actually a choice rather than a circumstance for most people.
To illustrate this point, Dr. Joel Wade, a psychotherapist, composed a three-step list on how to be miserable:
1. Be as self-absorbed as possible. Ensure that every situation at work or at home is primarily about your thoughts, your feelings, your welfare. Talk about yourself, think about yourself, and make sure the objective of every action is to secure some kind of personal benefit.
2. See yourself as a victim. Envision the world as being against you, and view others as the source of your problems. Blame them for your frustrations and setbacks, and tell yourself that you are helpless in your life circumstances.
3. Spend a lot of time ruminating. Review past negative events again and again in your mind, while brooding about the people and things that drive you nuts.
So that is how to be a miserable, dispirited person. The good news is, doing the exact opposite can move you in a more positive, blissful direction.
The first thing you can do is absorb yourself in your work, friends, family relationships and outside interests. Move your focus outside and become absorbed in what you’re doing. Remind yourself what you are trying to achieve, and if you don’t have personal goals, then set some right away.
The second thing you can do is view yourself as in control of your destiny. We all have complications and setbacks, but things only begin to turn around when you take ownership of your situation. Only then can you begin to move forward.
Finally, you need to hone in on what’s right with your life. This is challenging in some cases, but every cloud has a silver lining. Accept that the past is past, and forgive any people who have harmed you, not for their sake but for yours. Start imagining how things could improve.
The point here is that we make a problematic situation worse by our response to it. Happiness and misery are states of mind that we engender through our response to the world around us. They are choices available to us every moment of the day. Which do you choose?